I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
