I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
