You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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