I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
