I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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