Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
