covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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