can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
