oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
