So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize