Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
