I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
