Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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