thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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