I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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