I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
