He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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