how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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