I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
