I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
