dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
