I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
