That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
