DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I just put wine in my tea
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize