I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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