Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
