I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
