woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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