I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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