He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize