How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize