guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
