1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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