whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
