My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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