I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize