I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
