I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
