There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
