Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This house was built for laser tag.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
