Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
