Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
