I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
