At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
