just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
