toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
