Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize