It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
