i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
