I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
