I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
