Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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