What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
