cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
did you just send me my own nude
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
