yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
