Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
