I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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