She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
