Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
