Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
