you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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