I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
