using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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