No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
