I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
