I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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