Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
