Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize