we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
