My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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