I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
