gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
now i know why i became what i already was.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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