Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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