so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
