Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
