Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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