My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
