After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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