Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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