Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
