Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
