I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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