He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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