totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
