My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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