I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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