I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
