How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
