OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize