the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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