i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
