She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
