Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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