No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
