I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is classic penis vs brain.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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