How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
