no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
